My birthday was earlier this month, and my hubby decided to surprise me with a trip to the spa. He dropped me off, and when he returned, the receptionist told him the services I got, and how much it would be. He immediately looked at me with a confused face.
Immediately, I got worried. He told me he was treating me! Did I get too much done? Did I spend too much?
He paid, and as we walked to the car, he said, “I was expecting to pay more! Why didn’t you get more stuff done?”
I laughed. First of all, I was sick my birthday weekend ☹, so I did not want to do a whole lot of things. We had already been to a winery, and crashed someone’s wedding (that’s a story for another day!). But I also realized, that when I looked at the menu of spa services, and the prices, I was trying to be “reasonable.”
When you are an ambitious woman, you get used to operating under a fair amount of independence. Maybe that’s because you grew up in a single parent home, or both of your parents worked a lot, and you got used to being a “latchkey kid,” and fending for yourself. Maybe you were the oldest child, and were constantly in caretaker mode. Maybe you are first generation – first to be born in your country, first to attend college, or some other first – and you were forced to figure out a lot of stuff on your own to succeed.
As we run our businesses, or move up the corporate ladder, we get used to not only being independent, but also doing a lot giving. Giving value to an audience. Giving more of your time and talent to get a raise or promotion. Giving to family and friends because you feel guilty that you “made it,” and they didn’t.
And that takes us out of one of the most important aspects of being feminine – receiving. There is nothing wrong with giving our time and effort to the things and people we love. But part of attracting a masculine man is being able to receive. And EXPECTING to receive. This is my problem with women who say things like, “I always pay for myself on the date because I don’t want the man to think I owe him anything.” If you do that, you will constantly attract men who aren’t givers. If you have a hard time receiving compliments from others, or receiving help from people who offer it, you will constantly attract takers.
Let me ask you a few questions:
- Evaluate your relationships – with family, friends, partners, coworkers, etc. Would you consider them to be reciprocal?
- How good are you at asking for, and receiving help?
- What are your expectations of a romantic partner? How do you expect him to show his love for you?
