The Truth About Waiting Until Marriage

Can I bring up the elephant in the room?

The thing that’s never mentioned in the comments on my Facebook or Instagram.

The thing that most Christian women don’t want to admit to.

The thing that women bring up a LOT when they get on private calls with me.

“I’m tired of being single and waiting until marriage.”

And if it’s not that, it’s…

“I tried and failed to wait until marriage, and now I feel guilty.”

Here’s the truth about THE WAIT.

It is not at all the sweet wait portrayed in many churches, or synagogues, or mosques, or other houses of religion.

It’s not as easy as people make it out to be (you know, the people who are nuns or are already married).

It’s definitely not something that gets easier with age.

And you may be even questioning if it’s necessary. After all, so-and-so in church messed around with EVERYBODY, and she’s married now, right?

Let me share some things you to think about:

• IF you are committed to THE WAIT, the Bible can’t be your only reason. I know that’s controversial, but the fact is, we break religious rules all the time. Get deeper into your purpose. Is this how you’re glorifying your body? Do you have a tendency to fall too fast, and you don’t want sexual intimacy to add to that? Do you want to focus on creating a stronger and emotional connection in the relationship? Get clear on ALL of your reasons, and focus on those.
• Are you setting up your environment for failure? This is especially true for those of you who did not wait before, or were married before, and are now striving to stay celibate. If you are around friends who constantly talk about sex, you need to steer clear of them, or get comfortable changing the subject quickly. I LOVE R&B music, but if you’re constantly listening to slow jams, you need to cut that off, sis. Same with pop love songs, or Latin love songs, or any other sensual music. I had a client tell me she was struggling with this, and then she told me she was reading Zane novels all the time. Look, for some of you, this is not your struggle, not your temptation. But if it is you, why not set yourself up for success?
• Burn the bitter, boo. Instead of focusing on the things you don’t want (staying single, or compromising your values), focus on what you do want – attracting a man who respects you. And why would you care about women who got married without holding your standards? You don’t know what their marriage is like, you don’t know what their thoughts and motivations are. Focus on being the best woman you can be for the husband that is for you.

“As a woman thinketh in her heart, so is she," to paraphrase Proverbs 23:7. It’s time to fix your focus on the right things.