Feeling like fewer people are getting married nowadays? It’s not just your imagination.
According to the Pew Research Center, about half of American adults today are married. That’s down from about 60% ten years, and way down from about 72% of Americans in 1960. And a study from Cornell University suggests that it’s all about the dollar bills.
Cornell looked at the research from Pew, and found that 71% of Americans said for a man to be a good husband or partner, he must be able to financially support his family. And from that, Cornell surveyed women and found that women are finder fewer men “economically attractive.” That means that when women were asked how much money they’d like their future husband to make, it was more than what the average man makes.
I have a few thoughts on this. One, the wage gap is tightening. An increasing number of women are getting college degrees, and making more money. In fact, 40% of wives in the U.S. earn more than her husbands! And if you are a woman of color, and you marry a man of color, you’re even more likely to make more than your husband. It’s time to rethink the gender roles we were raised with. You keep fighting for equality, and women’s rights. Are you ok with that applying to your marriage as well? Are you ok with making the same as – or more than your future husband?
Two, studies like this tend to place women in a very doom and gloom head space. I don’t argue with data – I used to be a researcher myself. However, I am also a firm believer that it only takes one. You don’t need a lot a lot of eligible bachelors – you need the man for you to clearly see you and want to get to know you. If all you ever do is focus on articles about how many eligible men there are in general, or eligible men who live in your town, or eligible men who are the same ethnicity as you – you will be too focused on what you think isn’t possible to see what IS possible. When you go into social situations with the attitude of “there are no good men out there,” or “I doubt I’ll meet someone at this event, either,” it shows, love. Men can feel your negativity from a mile away. And they will steer clear. Or at least, the good ones will steer clear. We’ll discuss later why some toxic, low-value men still come around…
And finally, let’s get into the practical. If it is incredibly important that your future spouse makes at least as much as you, if not more, then you need to rethink how you date. For example, a settled and stable man is likely to be a bit older, so you may have to adjust your target age range for who you date. I recommend that you stay wider in general. When I met my husband, I was 28, and I was willing to date men between the ages of 22-40. Also, where are you meeting men right now? Here are some of the traits of a successful man – he reads regularly, he volunteers or goes to charity events, he’s part of some type of club (like a country club) or community organization. Are you hanging out in places like that or where those activities are happening? If not, then why not? And are you dating based on reality, or a man’s potential. Be real with me. How many men did you meet in high school who you just KNEW where going to be great and successful, but aren’t doing much with their lives now? Plenty of men have the potential to be great business owners, to be great family men, to be encouragers. But only some of them exhibit that behavior now.
Also, I know you may not what to hear this, but a high-value man is going to require a high-value woman. These men who know they are a catch are not stupid. They know they have options. What does this mean for you? It means that it takes more than a cute outfit and the fact that you’re single to attract this high-value man. And I’m not talking about putting out all the stops to chase a man – because they don’t like that either. A high-value woman is one who knows she’s meant to be cherished, and doesn’t settle for less – in relationships, or in every other area of her life. What are you doing right now to further develop yourself? Do you know how to use your femininity to attract, and allow yourself to be pursued? Do you have high standards in your career, in who you are friends with, and in how you spend your time? If not, what’s holding you back?